There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
