shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
