I can text with my tongue
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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