Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
