I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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