we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
