My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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