i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
