News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
