I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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