There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
