Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
