my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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