I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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