Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
