All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
