Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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