he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize