Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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