why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
