She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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