her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
