drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
