I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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