Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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