the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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