me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
