I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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