My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
