OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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