i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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