Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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