my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
