Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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