Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
