plz talk dirty to me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
