i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
