we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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