I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm too high and old for this...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize