you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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