So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
