Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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