NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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