Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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