well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
