that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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