Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
