1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
