mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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