I wanna passion pit in your ass
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
