The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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