Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We are two peas in an std pod
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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