yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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