Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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